I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize