you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
