I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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