I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
