i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
