In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are two peas in an std pod
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
