If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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