Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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