New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
