my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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