Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize