I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
