there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize