Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
