dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
