ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
