I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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