I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
