she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
