For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
