There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize