like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
