I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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