I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
