Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize