please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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