I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
