So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
