Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am one with the molecules
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
