carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
