We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
