you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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