At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
