I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
