i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
