I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
