youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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