Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
