Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
