Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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