The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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