Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
