The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
