If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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