grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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