Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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