3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Randomize
