I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
