im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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