I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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