You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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