I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
