How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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