she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
