Where is the hickey?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
