butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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