my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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