Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
