Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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