Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
