How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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