Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
