my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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