So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
