Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize