But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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