u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
