I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
