what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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