I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
