i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize