I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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