how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
