Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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