i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
