Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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