Sponge bath it is.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
