Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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