He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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