My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
