Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
