Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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