Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize